Things I've Learned From Your Facebook Status

- The Buffs suck, and you wish they didn't.

- You dislike Kanye West.

- Your significant other is the most wonderful man/woman in the entire world.

- You miss your significant other when he/she is out of town.

- You've had a long work week.

- You have strong feelings about Cutler.

- You work out, and it tires you/makes you sore/makes you feel AWESOME.

- You have the most amazing friends!!!

- Your kid occasionally does/says cute things.

- You have an essay due tomorrow.

- You struggle with the proper use of contractions.

- You are excited about your upcoming vacation.

- The current season and your thoughts/feelings about said season.

- You're very self-involved.

Burgled!!! : An Open Letter to The Person Who Stole the Hammock From Our Front Yard

Dear Sir or Madam,

You fucking suck. That didn't even belong to us. It was our friend Chris's. I hope you get gonorrhea and die, because that's what happens to people with no manners.

Warmest Regards,

Victoria