is it just me, or should frank loesser be jailed?

Soooo I've recently realized the seemingly innocent Christmas carol "Baby, It's Cold Outside" is really just a how-to guide for date rape. It's like an extremely disturbing SVU episode, 1940s style. It was written by Frank Loesser, who was probably more deserving of an arrest warrant than the Tony he received. Guys, pull these moves out next time you bring a girl home from the bars, straight from Mr. Loesser, the ultimate bro:

1. Start by saying "I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice" or "mind if I move in closer?" Both great opening lines. Or my personal favorite, "man, you're lips look delicious," which is featured not once but twice throughout the song. Classic.

2. When the lucky girl says things like "I really can't stay" or "I got to go away," respond with excuses such as "no cabs to be had out there" or tell her that she'll "catch pneunomia and die." Yes, tell her that she'll die if she tries to leave. Perfect.

3. So then she might start saying things like "my mother will start to worry" or "my father will be pacing the floor," you know, letting you know that people will notice when she's missing, but you just keep talking about how it's really in her best interest to stop trying to leave.

4. And the number one rule: when she starts questioning "say, what's in this drink?" you just keep talking about the weather until she slowly drifts off...

AND SCORE! Now really, she finally agrees to stay at the end of the song ( "well…..I really shouldn't...alright") but it's still the creepiest exchange I've ever heard. Although a Foundry bartender probably hears it multiple times a night.

I don't know if you're feeling as bah-humbugy as me this season, but may I recommend some of Erran Baron Cohen's lovely Hanukkah Carols to wash away those Christmas blues. And nooo, it's not because I've recently developed crushes on random jewish men, it's because it's really good, okay?

we have a tree!

see?

we finally got it!!!

Turns out there's this little website where videos are sometimes posted. Weird. Here it is, the link straight from the man himself, for everyone's enjoyment:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZPMyaiVB1g

Nice work, Scott! 1 down, just 7 to go. Let's everyone pull together to make sure all of our

christmas dreams come true.

Jan

::edit link gone, as is our recent esteem for scott::

Santa, Baby

So Thanksgiving is officially over, a fact that was forcibly shoved down my throat today by the sudden explosion of all things Christmas. My new favorite carol (in case you were interested) is "Holiday Shopping's Fun," a jingle Victoria and I had the pleasure of hearing in the car the other day. My mom and I decided to brave the crowds this Black Friday, only to get brain raped by a Verizon salesman, visit three separate stores to find stockings for our mantle, and hit a giant buck on the way home, which totaled my mom's car. Falafrickinla. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas, particularity the Bailey's and cocoa/peppermint ice cream part. I'm just saying that venturing out to the stores can be very hazardous to your mental (and physcial, as it turns out) health. Which brings me to the reason for this post. I know a lot of you are really worried about getting us the perfect gift for Christmas, a concern that is completely well-founded, so I thought I would make it easier by posting THE OFFICIAL 911 PENN XMAS LIST 2008. By consulting this list, you can not only find us the perfect gift, but you can do it all while spending a minimal amount of time outside your house (a practice of which we girls are strong advocates.) So here it is...


1. The new Macbook. For blogging, of course. And for other things like homework (read: facebook.) Also so my current computer doesn't make me shoot myself in the face, which could happen very soon.







2. The other mac: the big one. For eating.

3. Sexy repairman for all of our household needs a.k.a. leaking roof and leaf raking. Also for escorting to the scary basement.







4. A channel that airs only The Soup 24 hours a day 365 days a year. And instead of commercials, it plays little bite size clips of Jon and Kate plus 8.





5. More soup. But instead of the tv kind the real kind.








6. An extra room in our house so Victoria and hot "i smile with my eyes" craigslist man could have both moved in.








7. Chuck Bass in my mini-bed.









8. A link to the video of Justin Timberlake dancing like Beyonce on SNL. Cannot. Find. ANYWHERE.





So there you have it. Christmas shop your little asses off. And keep in mind this is only a wish list, so if we don't get everything on it it's not like we'll be mad or anything. We'll just be a little disappointed is all. And we might inexplicably stop returning your phone calls. And you might find some poop in your bed.

TTYL(P),*
jan


*talk to you later (probably)

:::edit-changed our settings so now you can comment. tell us what you want and you most likely won't get it:::