Burgled!!! : An Open Letter to The Person Who Stole the Hammock From Our Front Yard

Dear Sir or Madam,

You fucking suck. That didn't even belong to us. It was our friend Chris's. I hope you get gonorrhea and die, because that's what happens to people with no manners.

Warmest Regards,

Victoria

and speaking of dirty vegans...

I think I found Casey's soulmate:

  

WTF, city of Denver?

I recently made a trip to DIA to get a Lauren-face and discovered the demon horse statue of death on Pena.  I don't know how I have managed several trips to the airport in the past year without noticing it, other than the fact that I am usually using all my brainpower to not confuse departures and arrivals (you're departing from the airport in your car- that totally makes sense.)  But this trip I was aided by Kayla, which allowed me to fully concentrate on the absolute terror of the horse.  I have seen some pretty pointless publicly funded art projects, but most of them are harmless in that they do not give me horrific nightmares.  This statue is SO scary.  What a better way to welcome visitors from all over the world then with a giant horse that says "I KILL YOU" with it's eyes?  It's downright embarrassing.  Not to mention the fact that art exists to be admired, and the only way to see it is from an exceptionally busy road with cars rushing to an international airport. 

I was already creeped out by death bronco when MJ informed me that the statue fell on the artist, Luis Jiminez, while he was creating it, killing him.  The fact that it murdered it's creator proves that it is demonic and TOTALLY F-ED UP.  It's totally going to come alive one night and buck shit up in the city of Denver and kill us all. FAIL, city of Denver, MAJOR HORSE FAIL.

 "GOING OUT OF TOWNNN???"

"I KILL YOU"

Ambien CR: WTF?! : An Open Letter

WTF, Ambien CR?! "Safe and Effective", my ass! I took you Thursday night to help me fall asleep. You offered a promise of satisfaction. Let's take, for example, the people in your commercials: warm, relieved and asleep. Instead, I take the recommended dosage of you and experience a VERY different outcome.

I was neither relieved or asleep (and i guess the warm part is irrelevant). Instead, I WAS HIGH. I was extremely high. Not only was I high, but I was completely unaware that you were going to make me high. You roofied me, Ambien. You gave me a soda laced with enough acid to kill a small horse.

I was seeing things. Your "safe and effective" product gave me severe hallucinations of very scary things. It's like you threw me a "Surprise! It's About to be the Worst Night of Your Life" party. Not a very fun party, if you ask me.

Luckily, before it got too bad, MJ(R) made it over. And from what I remember, along with what I was filled in on later, he wasn't too happy with you either. Watch your back, Ambien CR. If MJ(R) saw you walking on the street, he would kick your ass like you dumped his little sister.

I saw bugs crawling everywhere. I thought there were people hiding around the house, trying to kill us. I even thought that the floor was plotting our violent demise. And I am angry.

I won't go into more specifics, but it was scary for everyone involved. Ambien CR, you have proven yourself to be very dangerous and I will never come near you again. You suck. In fact, I read that you have caused people to do things like driving in their sleep. That's not cool, and you should not be legal. Fail.

So WTF, Ambien CR?!

TTYN,
V