Found: Another Hat!!

We found a hat (black).  Annnnd then we did dirty things to it.  Seriously, I wouldn't recommend putting it anywhere near your face.  Like on your head or anything like that.  

We thought, at first, that someone was trying to burgle ol' 911 Penn, and lost his or her hat in the process.  But as it turns out, we do keep some pretty conor obersty, cry-myself-to-sleep, emo company sometimes and when I realized this I thought "aha!"  Could it be possible that one of these said "emos" left his sad "get ahead in line at Roma" hat here after a particularly awesome good-for-him, way-to-score, living room dance party?  There's only one way to find out:

If you were actually there that night, and you actually participated in this dance party, you should be able to tell us where in our house we found it. 

If you can do this, you can have it*; if not, you owe us some day old bread (yeahhh you know who you are)

*roommate not included**

**unless you give her wine

Kiss Me, I Live at 911 Penn

I'm way excited for St. Patrick's Day this year, lots more than usual, which I think can mostly be attributed to three things:

First, it's supposed to be a beautiful, perfect 70 degrees in Boulder tomorrow, which puts me in the mood to celebrate anything, really.  I would celebrate Tori Spelling's new book release if it meant I could drink in the sunshine (April 14th, in case you wondering, and yes, weather permitting, I'll totally be down).

Second, with Spring Break fast approaching, I am fast approaching a mental breakdown.  I know that doing absolutely nothing for the entirety of next week should constitute some hard work this week, but somehow it never seems to work that way.  I'm antsy in my pantsy for some Florida awesomeness. 

Third, all of us  911 Penn-ers are totally DTP (Down to Party, fools) tomorrow, which doesn't happen very often.  Or I guess it happens, but usually one of us (ahem) is totally Down to Party Without Leaving the House (DTPWLTH??).  But I digress.  All three of us actually want to leave our couch tomorrow, so watch out world. 

Mmmkay so we've established that we're pumped for tomorrow.  But I feel as though some days like this we can get lost in the moment and we don't do the things we originally set out to accomplish.  Which is why we are making a list of THE OFFICIAL 911 PENN GOALS FOR ST. PATRICK'S DAY.  You know, so we don't lose focus:

1) Drink green beer.  Lots (?) of green beer.

2) Make it to classes/meetings we need to attend, beer buzz be damned

3) Play lots of fun games in our yard, on Casey's stupid table that he is insisting on bringing over (and by bringing over i mean making me come pick up).

4) Find a leprechaun, catch him, get gold.  Easy Schmeazy. 

5) Hit up some awesome outdoor/rooftop bars, taking advantage of what are sure to be awesome St. Patty's Day specials.

6) Do a car bomb. Probably just one, you know, so nobody gets a tummy ache. 

7) Get some digits that are not from boys named  "Zach the DJ," the new contact I found in my phone this weekend.

8) Eat green eggs and regular colored ham.

9) Not eat corned beef and cabbage (barf)

10) Goose it, Conor O'Neal's it, celebrate with all our hearts and kiss lots of Irish people (also could be 4 separate goals, I'm aware, it's just that I don't care)

If you want to join us for some daytime beer ponging, flip cupping, sun worshipping, stop on by!! (Or, you know, call first)  

Jan

the pure awesomeness that is my life

I haven't been blogging as often, and I know it's hard on all of you who count on this forum to keep track of my class-act, bling-blinging, party-like-a-rockstar lifestyle (read: there's only so much I can say about our couch and smarmy bartenders at The Sink). So I thought I would catch everyone up on some quotes from the past few days, so everyone can realize just how amazing my life is (you're welcome).

"Next time, don't come through my line if you have this much food" - Cashier at Safeway 

Okay, quick defense, I hadn't been to the store in a good two, maybe three weeks. You get to the point where you are eating pretzels and peanut butter for dinner and you suddenly look at your life from an outsiders perspective and realize that you should probably just go to the damn grocery store.  Also, I wanted to get enough food to last me two weeks, until Spring Break, in order to optimize my food purchasing trips.  If you haven't gathered already, grocery shopping, to me, is like "Hey! Let's go be on the verge of a panic attack for a while!"  As my dear roommates know, I usually require accompaniment to the store, in order to have someone to guide me through such things as bread selection or price comparisons.  I find it all very overwhelming.  I still have no idea how to shop for one person without having everything you buy go bad, I have no idea where to start or what's good or what's good for you or what's too much or what's too little or what's too expensive, and above it all, there's the constant "am i forgetting anything?  what else do i need?" because god forbid I should have to go back.  So yes, I am a freak who can't do normal, real life activities. 

 Needless to say, the last thing I need is some asshole "teasing" me about the amount of food I am buying.  In what world is that funny??  In this world, it causes eating disorders.  I just sat there glaring at his snarly teeth exposed by his white trash smile, and his dumb face that was all "gotcha!!  aren't i funny??" and in one swift moment I saw myself jumping over the counter, grabbing him by his STUPID nametag, slamming his face into the scanner and screaming "NEXT TIME?? YOU BETTER PRAY TO GOD THERE IS A NEXT TIME, BITCH!!!!" But instead I just awkwardly "heh"-ed and gave Lauren a "did he actually just say that?" look, of which she was completely oblivious, because tabloids need attention too.  

"Did someone just fall down the stairs?" 

-Fellow Party Attendee

After I fell down an entire flight of stairs.  This was immediately after I dropped my phone in the toilet.  I was coming out of the bathroom, sadly examining the little dot (turned red) on the back on my battery, contemplating how pathetic my life was, when WHOOMP!  Literally tumbled down the stairs.  I wish I could show you all the absolutely insane bruise that resulted from this fall, but it would involve nudity, which personally I don't think the readers of this blog are ready for (too much booty for one blog to handle).  And yes, my phone is fine, after one awkward day of it calling pretty much everyone in my phonebook while innocently sitting on my coffee table.  So everything worked out, but it is nights like those that cause you to step back and re-examine your life, you know, just a little bit. 

"I don't think Dad will care unless he sees naked pix of you or something outrageous" 

-My mother

Over gchat, in response to my hesitation to accept my dad's friend request on Facebook, thus allowing him to see all my drunken pictures.  Oh yes, social networking.  My dad.  Also my mom using the word "pix."  Don't worry, I set her straight. I informed her that Facebook doesn't allow nudity, so all those naked pictures of me out there are all posted elsewhere on the innernets.  

"Thanks, it's nice to know I have at least one friend in the world..."

-My dad

This is an email, with the subject "facebook" that I recieved from my dad a few days after accepting his fbook friend request.  Bless him. 

OMG!!!

lauren's back!!!!

-jan

gobble gobble gobble gobble!!!

2nd Annual Pilgrims and Indians Party: A Short List of Highlights (in order of appearance)...

-Costumes: paper Pilgrim hats, S&E's matching furry cavepeople Indian outfits, C's "I look like I'm going to a Phish concert" attempt at Indian gear, R's "dot" Indian (nice statement, bro), JB's dinosaur pendulum penis, J's turkey gobble and the slutty crotch sisters...

-Hey! That was a great transition...what do you think, J? The Indian names got pretty funkadelic. Among our personal faves are "Hiding Crotch" and "Sascrotch". Is it just J, or is "Hiding Crotch" a misnomer? (zing to me!)

-Full cup Flip cup and the faulty table. Other side, you got annihilated!

-Pin the Gobble on the Turkey. Best. Game. Ever.

-Hand turkeys at the craft table!!! Winner: Choda Turkey. Congrats to the lucky hand that modeled. You win a hand job. From a turkey.

-It smells like peppa up in this joint!

-An ear chomp, followed by many lip pecks. I take full responsibility for my actions and apologize to any who may have been harmed.

-Accidental segregation of Pilgrims from Indians.

-Rounding out the end of the night with mass amounts of Ramen, a visit from Mr. Jimmy John himself and a few accidental booty calls! yum!

Success! Thanks to all you troopers for helping us drink most of the keg and all the brandy.

TTYN,
V&J