is it just me, or should frank loesser be jailed?

Soooo I've recently realized the seemingly innocent Christmas carol "Baby, It's Cold Outside" is really just a how-to guide for date rape. It's like an extremely disturbing SVU episode, 1940s style. It was written by Frank Loesser, who was probably more deserving of an arrest warrant than the Tony he received. Guys, pull these moves out next time you bring a girl home from the bars, straight from Mr. Loesser, the ultimate bro:

1. Start by saying "I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice" or "mind if I move in closer?" Both great opening lines. Or my personal favorite, "man, you're lips look delicious," which is featured not once but twice throughout the song. Classic.

2. When the lucky girl says things like "I really can't stay" or "I got to go away," respond with excuses such as "no cabs to be had out there" or tell her that she'll "catch pneunomia and die." Yes, tell her that she'll die if she tries to leave. Perfect.

3. So then she might start saying things like "my mother will start to worry" or "my father will be pacing the floor," you know, letting you know that people will notice when she's missing, but you just keep talking about how it's really in her best interest to stop trying to leave.

4. And the number one rule: when she starts questioning "say, what's in this drink?" you just keep talking about the weather until she slowly drifts off...

AND SCORE! Now really, she finally agrees to stay at the end of the song ( "well…..I really shouldn't...alright") but it's still the creepiest exchange I've ever heard. Although a Foundry bartender probably hears it multiple times a night.

I don't know if you're feeling as bah-humbugy as me this season, but may I recommend some of Erran Baron Cohen's lovely Hanukkah Carols to wash away those Christmas blues. And nooo, it's not because I've recently developed crushes on random jewish men, it's because it's really good, okay?