the pure awesomeness that is my life

I haven't been blogging as often, and I know it's hard on all of you who count on this forum to keep track of my class-act, bling-blinging, party-like-a-rockstar lifestyle (read: there's only so much I can say about our couch and smarmy bartenders at The Sink). So I thought I would catch everyone up on some quotes from the past few days, so everyone can realize just how amazing my life is (you're welcome).

"Next time, don't come through my line if you have this much food" - Cashier at Safeway 

Okay, quick defense, I hadn't been to the store in a good two, maybe three weeks. You get to the point where you are eating pretzels and peanut butter for dinner and you suddenly look at your life from an outsiders perspective and realize that you should probably just go to the damn grocery store.  Also, I wanted to get enough food to last me two weeks, until Spring Break, in order to optimize my food purchasing trips.  If you haven't gathered already, grocery shopping, to me, is like "Hey! Let's go be on the verge of a panic attack for a while!"  As my dear roommates know, I usually require accompaniment to the store, in order to have someone to guide me through such things as bread selection or price comparisons.  I find it all very overwhelming.  I still have no idea how to shop for one person without having everything you buy go bad, I have no idea where to start or what's good or what's good for you or what's too much or what's too little or what's too expensive, and above it all, there's the constant "am i forgetting anything?  what else do i need?" because god forbid I should have to go back.  So yes, I am a freak who can't do normal, real life activities. 

 Needless to say, the last thing I need is some asshole "teasing" me about the amount of food I am buying.  In what world is that funny??  In this world, it causes eating disorders.  I just sat there glaring at his snarly teeth exposed by his white trash smile, and his dumb face that was all "gotcha!!  aren't i funny??" and in one swift moment I saw myself jumping over the counter, grabbing him by his STUPID nametag, slamming his face into the scanner and screaming "NEXT TIME?? YOU BETTER PRAY TO GOD THERE IS A NEXT TIME, BITCH!!!!" But instead I just awkwardly "heh"-ed and gave Lauren a "did he actually just say that?" look, of which she was completely oblivious, because tabloids need attention too.  

"Did someone just fall down the stairs?" 

-Fellow Party Attendee

After I fell down an entire flight of stairs.  This was immediately after I dropped my phone in the toilet.  I was coming out of the bathroom, sadly examining the little dot (turned red) on the back on my battery, contemplating how pathetic my life was, when WHOOMP!  Literally tumbled down the stairs.  I wish I could show you all the absolutely insane bruise that resulted from this fall, but it would involve nudity, which personally I don't think the readers of this blog are ready for (too much booty for one blog to handle).  And yes, my phone is fine, after one awkward day of it calling pretty much everyone in my phonebook while innocently sitting on my coffee table.  So everything worked out, but it is nights like those that cause you to step back and re-examine your life, you know, just a little bit. 

"I don't think Dad will care unless he sees naked pix of you or something outrageous" 

-My mother

Over gchat, in response to my hesitation to accept my dad's friend request on Facebook, thus allowing him to see all my drunken pictures.  Oh yes, social networking.  My dad.  Also my mom using the word "pix."  Don't worry, I set her straight. I informed her that Facebook doesn't allow nudity, so all those naked pictures of me out there are all posted elsewhere on the innernets.  

"Thanks, it's nice to know I have at least one friend in the world..."

-My dad

This is an email, with the subject "facebook" that I recieved from my dad a few days after accepting his fbook friend request.  Bless him.