and speaking of dirty vegans...

I think I found Casey's soulmate:

  

Found: Another Hat!!

We found a hat (black).  Annnnd then we did dirty things to it.  Seriously, I wouldn't recommend putting it anywhere near your face.  Like on your head or anything like that.  

We thought, at first, that someone was trying to burgle ol' 911 Penn, and lost his or her hat in the process.  But as it turns out, we do keep some pretty conor obersty, cry-myself-to-sleep, emo company sometimes and when I realized this I thought "aha!"  Could it be possible that one of these said "emos" left his sad "get ahead in line at Roma" hat here after a particularly awesome good-for-him, way-to-score, living room dance party?  There's only one way to find out:

If you were actually there that night, and you actually participated in this dance party, you should be able to tell us where in our house we found it. 

If you can do this, you can have it*; if not, you owe us some day old bread (yeahhh you know who you are)

*roommate not included**

**unless you give her wine

Lincoln, You Skeeez

Apparently, Abraham Lincoln just may have invented the emoticon.  Because why not, Universe??  Historians found a transcript of a speech that Lincoln himself wrote, which, as you can see, is complete with a winky smiley right after the words "applause and laughter."  I love how it's a wink, too, like he's some horrible bar skeezer that decides texting you immediately after getting your number is a great idea.  What a creep.  

So as it turns out, all those flighty, prepubescent gossip fests I had in the sixth grade could have been made possible by Honest Abe.  No, screw it, this is too good to hypothesize.  It's true.  It has to be.  From now on, no one can tell me differently.   This is the best thing I've ever heard.  

Here's the link if you want more 1862 lolzzz:

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/19/hfo-emoticon/

this is how i get people to like me...

Hello, all. I realize that I have been neglecting this blog for awhile. Um, I would apologize, but I'm not sorry. Anywho, I feel as though last night was just funny enough to deserve a recap.

So...it was my first non-training shift as a cocktail waitress at the Outback Saloon in Boulder. Any of you that have been there know that there is a large variety of clientelle, most of whom are regulars. To spare you the boring details (and also because my memory is a bit sketchy), I am only recapping the highlights...

-One of the bartenders buys me a tequila shot, takes one with me. Ten minutes later, I re-introduce myself to said bartender as though we had never met. The re-introduction went like this: ME: (presenting my hand to be shaken) "Hi, my name is Victoria. You must be *****". HIM: "Uh...yeah...we already met...like 10 minutes ago. And then I poured us a shot of tequila and we took it. Together."

This is a little trick I use to make people think that I'm stupid, only to confuse them later by saying something witty. Although "later" must mean "on another day", because it definitely didn't happen last night.

-Apparently, it's a rule that everyone has to sing karaoke on their first night. After accepting EVERY free shot of rumplemints thrown at me by various customers and staff members, I give in to the threats of my boss and get ready to sing. Not too bad...the mistake came when I let them pick my song. They choose "I Touch Myself".

-After singing the song (provocatively...tipsily) I realize that I dug myself a hole. I was greeted by admirers. Apparently, if I was a pop star, my fan-base would be fat, bald biker dudes and lipstick lesbians. This would be understandable if the Outback were a strictly fat bald biker dude/lipstick lesbian bar, but it's not. One of the girls followed me around LITERALLY the rest of the night. After everyone was kicked out at closing, she trailed me from the other side of the fence while I was sweeping the patio. She was persistent. I look forward to seeing her every single time that I work.

-And finally, I ask my boss to call me a cab because I am too inebriated to drive myself home.

Yeah, so that was my first night. I figure that by acting like a total invalid in the beginning, anytime I actually do some work, everyone will be super impressed. But in my defense, weak as it may be, most of the drinking I did was initiated by my co-workers...namely, my boss. Oh, and I woke up with a bunch of cash in my wallet, so I must have done something productive...ish. In conclusion, I expect that next Saturday night, you will be there to share a similar experience with me and a bunch of other drunk people.

Love,
Victoria

found: hat!!

New game!!  We're going to start posting pictures of alllll the crap that people leave at our house. Fun! So then the way it works is, you can comment or email me or just show up at ol' 911 and claim it.  

"But Jana, then anyone can just claim things that aren't theirs!"  Well I already thought of that.  I started off thinking we could rely on the good ol' honor system, but lets face it- all of our friends are lying, coniving, thieving assholes.  SO in order to claim your crap, you're going to be required to answer the "Is it yours??" question correctly-, something only the true owner of the object will be able to do.  And if you can answer it, you can have it.  Get it?

If you don't want your crap molested and made fun of, don't leave it at our house.

Mmmkay so without further ado:

Found: Hat

Volcom.  I got really confused because, to my knowledge, there have been no angst-ridden, awkwardly rebellious, "antiestablisment", middle school boys here recently.  But then I remembered that a lot of my friends dress like 12 year old boys.  Zing!!

And the big security question: 

In what stupid Asian country was your stupid hat made??

we listen and we say "izzz gud"

ahhhhhhh i'm obsessed

the url pretty much says it all...

fun link, thanks to brother Jeff:

http://www.peoplewhositinthedisabilityseatswhenimstandingonmycrutches.com/