We found a hat (black). Annnnd then we did dirty things to it. Seriously, I wouldn't recommend putting it anywhere near your face. Like on your head or anything like that. We thought, at first, that someone was trying to burgle ol' 911 Penn, and lost his or her hat in the process. But as it turns out, we do keep some pretty conor obersty, cry-myself-to-sleep, emo company sometimes and when I realized this I thought "aha!" Could it be possible that one of these said "emos" left his sad "get ahead in line at Roma" hat here after a particularly awesome good-for-him, way-to-score, living room dance party? There's only one way to find out:
If you were actually there that night, and you actually participated in this dance party, you should be able to tell us where in our house we found it.
If you can do this, you can have it*; if not, you owe us some day old bread (yeahhh you know who you are)
*roommate not included**
**unless you give her wine
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