this is how i get people to like me...

Hello, all. I realize that I have been neglecting this blog for awhile. Um, I would apologize, but I'm not sorry. Anywho, I feel as though last night was just funny enough to deserve a recap.

So...it was my first non-training shift as a cocktail waitress at the Outback Saloon in Boulder. Any of you that have been there know that there is a large variety of clientelle, most of whom are regulars. To spare you the boring details (and also because my memory is a bit sketchy), I am only recapping the highlights...

-One of the bartenders buys me a tequila shot, takes one with me. Ten minutes later, I re-introduce myself to said bartender as though we had never met. The re-introduction went like this: ME: (presenting my hand to be shaken) "Hi, my name is Victoria. You must be *****". HIM: "Uh...yeah...we already met...like 10 minutes ago. And then I poured us a shot of tequila and we took it. Together."

This is a little trick I use to make people think that I'm stupid, only to confuse them later by saying something witty. Although "later" must mean "on another day", because it definitely didn't happen last night.

-Apparently, it's a rule that everyone has to sing karaoke on their first night. After accepting EVERY free shot of rumplemints thrown at me by various customers and staff members, I give in to the threats of my boss and get ready to sing. Not too bad...the mistake came when I let them pick my song. They choose "I Touch Myself".

-After singing the song (provocatively...tipsily) I realize that I dug myself a hole. I was greeted by admirers. Apparently, if I was a pop star, my fan-base would be fat, bald biker dudes and lipstick lesbians. This would be understandable if the Outback were a strictly fat bald biker dude/lipstick lesbian bar, but it's not. One of the girls followed me around LITERALLY the rest of the night. After everyone was kicked out at closing, she trailed me from the other side of the fence while I was sweeping the patio. She was persistent. I look forward to seeing her every single time that I work.

-And finally, I ask my boss to call me a cab because I am too inebriated to drive myself home.

Yeah, so that was my first night. I figure that by acting like a total invalid in the beginning, anytime I actually do some work, everyone will be super impressed. But in my defense, weak as it may be, most of the drinking I did was initiated by my co-workers...namely, my boss. Oh, and I woke up with a bunch of cash in my wallet, so I must have done something productive...ish. In conclusion, I expect that next Saturday night, you will be there to share a similar experience with me and a bunch of other drunk people.

Love,
Victoria