EILFs: Explorers I'd Like to... Well, You Know

I don't know why explorers are so often overlooked as sex symbols. I'm pretty confident that if I were around anytime pre-17th century, I would totally be into it. Come on, they've got a lot going for them- the power, the bravery, the fame, the facial hair. I know, I know... "venereal disease, Jana! venereal disease!!" but again, this exercise places me (hypothetically) pre-17th century, which means I would most likely alread have a (hypothetical) venereal disease. In any case, we're just going to (hypothetically) rule out dirty sailor diseases. This is just for fun, jeeeeez, get the stick out of your booty. So here we go- a list of explorers that could totally explore me every day of the week:

Marco Polo: Something about those Italians. Not only does he have the explorer thing going for him, he also got totally fricking rich from his explorations, AND he was imprisoned for a while. The rebel part of me would love to bring an ex-con home to Mom & Dad. Please note the sexy facial hair.

Juan Ponce de Leon: I'm willing to look past pointy chin hair if you discovered Flordia. Plus he has a sweet feather in his cap. He spent his life searching for the fountain of youth; like a 15th century Dr. Ray, errr something. Little did he know he could fountain in my youth any day.

Ferdinand Magellan: First to circumnavigate the world. Nuf said. I'd like him to circumnavigate me. Or should I say cirCUMnavigate me. heh.

Francisco Pizarro: Bearded, armored, all around bad-ass. He totally owned the Incans, which is not very nice, but all that conquering apparantly does a body good.

"Incans! I kill you with my abs!"

Zebulon Pike: My fav. Check out his wikipage. The indians (feather) thought he was soooo fly- my man Black Hawk said he was a "good man" and a "great brave." But also he was drunk at the time, so who knows how he felt about him in the morning. I kid!

ZEB UR SO HOTT

Notice Christopher Columbus did not make the list. This was not a mistake. He's GROSS.

Also: Marry, Screw or Kill GO.

Lewis?

Clark?

Sacajawea?