Lincoln, You Skeeez

Apparently, Abraham Lincoln just may have invented the emoticon.  Because why not, Universe??  Historians found a transcript of a speech that Lincoln himself wrote, which, as you can see, is complete with a winky smiley right after the words "applause and laughter."  I love how it's a wink, too, like he's some horrible bar skeezer that decides texting you immediately after getting your number is a great idea.  What a creep.  

So as it turns out, all those flighty, prepubescent gossip fests I had in the sixth grade could have been made possible by Honest Abe.  No, screw it, this is too good to hypothesize.  It's true.  It has to be.  From now on, no one can tell me differently.   This is the best thing I've ever heard.  

Here's the link if you want more 1862 lolzzz:

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/19/hfo-emoticon/